sex. the series.

Sex before marriage makes for some good conversation. It's definitely a hot topic that I know many people would appreciate and I hope some of what I have said in my last post, has been of help to you. 

Today, I want to discuss sex within marriage and what sex is like on the 'other side.' If you read my last post then you would be aware of my personal journey in this area but that with God, there are always second chances, grace and hope.

Leading up to the wedding I definitely had thoughts and questions about what sex would be like after being married. Had I ruined all hope for our marriage to experience sex the way it was truly made to be? Do we even know what true intimacy is because our understanding had been distorted? Is my Christian marriage doomed because of my mistakes? This is the honest truth of what questions I began asking.

Now that the ring was on my finger, the regret of a now conscious Christian began to sink in. All decisions have consequences (good or bad) and for a time, they were catching up with me again. Now, to help locate you in my spiral of thoughts right now you need to know one other detail. My husband and I had engaged in pre-marital sex.... basically for our entire relationship. We had a long journey in this area of our relationship and we never stood on the same side when it came to this discussion, we were both each other's downfall and we never sought wise counsel either - it was taboo and a silent struggle. 

Next week, will be our 2nd Wedding Anniversary. So speaking from our first 2 years of marriage, here is what I have to say about sex and marriage for the Christian couple that has engaged in pre-marital sex...

You can still seek purity in this area. I know it might sound strange now that you're married but having sex before marriage even whilst you're engaged and preparing for marriage means that the truth of the 'matter' (sex) has been distorted and misused according to what the bible teaches. You don't know sex in its purest context. Now you might be thinking that we live in the 21st Century and the bible is just 'old news' but let me tell you that even though it was written thousands of years ago, the principles, morals and spiritual truths still remain.

God can restore and heal what has been distorted in our minds and what has been misused. He is for your marriage even if you had pre-marital sex. Here are some scriptures on sex to help start you off:
  • Genesis 1:28; 2:4
  • 1 Corinthians 7:3-5: this scripture discusses a husband and wife yielding their bodies to each other as they now no longer belong to themselves but to one another. This scripture has helped me in my marriage and helped me to understand that denying sex to my husband should never be used as a power over their husbands, as a lot of women do, for manipulation and control.
  • Proverbs 5:19
God has restored and healed the sex in my marriage. Time and time again we have decided to put God first in our marriage in all areas and I believe we are reaping the fruit of those decisions. Sex no longer feels (emotionally, spiritually & mentally) the way it did before and that’s because we got God involved.
You can still seek sexual purity in your marriage by involving God in all areas of your married life and allowing him to renew your minds about the topic. 

Sex is beautiful and healing. It does not exist only to sexually please you... It can be healing for your husband or wife; it binds you deeper to each other every time you engage in the act. You become one, physically, spiritually and emotionally.

Sex was intended to allow humanity to reproduce and to be a holy union of intimacy between a man and woman. The deepest kind of physical intimacy that can be experienced. And when it is used in its intended context, sex is a wonderful gift and a great blessing in your marriage.   

Because I am still on the journey I won't say much more on the subject until I'm a little further in to married life. Until then, remember that God is for your marriage and he is also for the sex in your marriage...

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