Miss Independent to Mrs Dependent



For 25 years, my habits, attitudes and mindset had all been shaped in to living a life mostly about me. I had survived high school filled mostly with boy crushes, friendships, disagreements and the usual puberty blues. I had built a career and made wise decisions to keep my education going and to further develop my work skill set. I discovered my identity (at least I thought I did) and did the journey for 25 years to meet and explore the woman I was becoming. I was your qualified Miss Independent - a Charlie's angel, butt kicking woman. I did it! all by myself. I was the 'accomplished' single woman.

A few years down the timeline and I am now married. I am one year in to the married journey and have begun to see that the independent woman I had grown in to, wasn't fitting as well as I thought it would in to this new life. I was and am transforming in to another part of womanhood I never wanted to become - Mrs Dependent. 

The post-modern woman. What does she look like? She is strong, powerful, capable, career driven, self-sufficient, a high achiever, an entrepreneur, doesn't need marriage or a man to be complete, juggles the demands of motherhood and work or might not choose the path of motherhood at all. She manages to balance it all and is definitely the image of independent because she makes it for herself and does it all on her own. Not wanting to show the slightest need for help because that would be seen as weak, right? This is who I thought I was or thought that I wanted to become but this image of womanhood became unrealistic in my relationship with my husband and christian lifestyle. It became tiring and lonely.

Listen here, I am not saying that women can't be capable, have a career or ambition, be strong, decide not to have children or become completely reliant on men or others. No, not at all! I am a very capable woman. I am strong, intelligent, God-fearing, purpose driven and have career goals but I do not have to strive to achieve these things or strive to be these things. These are already characteristics that describe me as a christian according to the bible. But being a complete self-sufficient woman contradicts the plans and purpose of Jesus in my life. He is the all sufficient one and we are to be dependent on Him.

For me, being Mrs Dependent allowed more intimacy in my marriage. It created a greater trust in my God, my husband and made room for hope in my marriage. Marriage is a partnership and it cannot work if one partner lives self-sufficient, it defeats the purpose of the union and the need for total intimacy with the other. Im usually the type of person to keep troubling issues to myself or figure out ways to solve a problem I have on hand by myself but knowing that I can open up my heart completely to my husband with my deepest heartaches is so precious and so beautiful. It has enlightened a greater respect, honour and love that I now have for him and relief that I don't have to strive in life trying to achieve a great marriage on my own. It takes two, so why are some of us women approaching marriage in this way? You can't be independent in marriage but you can be capable and still bring with you all the other strong attributes that you carry.

You can be strong and dependent. There is more strength in dependency than independency. Independence is a picture of you standing on your own. Dependence is a picture of you standing first with the almighty God behind you, your husband behind you, people behind you who are upholding you, pushing you and helping you live up to your greatest potential. There is a greater reach with dependency and a lot more can be achieved. I know which picture I would choose to hang up on my wall.

I am strong. But I am dependent. I am Mrs Dependent. 

4 comments:

  1. Great post, marriage takes a dependent nature for it to work well.. And I must say I love your blog template.

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    1. Thank you so much :) I appreciate your kind words and your visit! Will visit your blog again very soon :)

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